SomaNews September-October 2021
Why not why?
I spent 12 years in therapy learning “why” I am the way I am.
Therapy is a powerful method for beginning the unfolding of who you are and why you became who you are. In the realization of why I was the way I was, I began to understand that I needed a different method to support me in how I am shaped and what I am doing when I am in my historical view. It’s that old adage: “I do this thing; I don’t want to do it anymore and I keep doing it.”
The “why” questions ask you for what reason or purpose you are here.
The “what” questions ask you for information – “So tell me what it is you do to create this story.”
The “how” questions ask in what way, manner, or means you move through the process – “So tell me how do you do this shape, mood, etc.”
So, in the somatic domain, this statement hits the nail on the head:
Asking “why” does not put you into action. It generally leads to the thinking brain wanting to “figure it out”.
You are made of stories/narratives, emotions, and energy. When asked what you are doing or how you want to be different, you engage your whole self – mind (stories/narratives), body (emotions) and spirit (energy).
When you move in the world through your story, emotions and energy, how do you do this? What is the shape you take on? What is the mood and intention you are bringing forward?
For change to occur, we need to shift our focus from the why to how and what; to what we need to change and how we can change it.
- HOW did I grow up?
- WHAT is my new story I want to bring forward?
- HOW will I reshape myself?
- WHAT is my old story that shapes me?
- HOW do I practice and WHAT do I practice to shift myself to the present moment?
Why questions usually put people on the defensive, leading them to explain and defend, which does not create useful information. To open the door to greater possibility and choice, ask what is needed or how they envision change.
Years ago I stepped into the somatic world, learning to make a choice to live more deeply in my body. If I had been asked “Why is it so hard for you to feel your body or do the practices?” I would have gone into explaining or reasoning mode. But being asked “How can you change or increase a practice to begin to feel your body?” gave opportunity to ask for support and increase my practices. It put me in action. It gave me a deeper connection to curiosity.
Get curious – ask yourself the how and what questions that can support you in reshaping your life and being grounded. I am available to support you in the how and what. Please contact me if it is time to open that door and step into a world that leads to action.
Learn to work with clients virtually
I have created a bodywork training opportunity, and I am looking at dates for the beginning of December.
I am teaching how to offer somatic bodywork virtually, through the airwaves of technology. You will learn how to show clients – through Zoom, Skype or other video app – how to connect with their body in ways that create more length, width and depth; reshaping for the journey ahead for their new story.
Please let me know if you would be interested and if there are specific things you are looking to learn. I look forward to hearing from you!