SomaNews September-October 2018

The Scar Clan

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Let's Celebrate

 

We had our first drops of water in months fall from the great sky today. I had to run out and feel those delicious pearls of wisdom on my body – the sensation of nature at its best! I felt it moisten those historical scars being rubbed raw again in the presence of today.

It’s hard for me to look into our world without feeling the opening of the scars that crisscross my soul. To be transparent, I have no idea what “to do” about it, except be who I am.

I grew up in the 50s, and I had many opportunities to take a stand for the feminine. And I did not. I got pregnant when I was 18 and was forced to quit my job with the Federal Reserve Bank because I was not married. I was raped twice, and both times the police gave the impression that I had caused it. Both were by someone I did not know. The first broke into my apartment in the middle of the night and climbed into my bed. The second was on a busy street during daylight, where I was held at knifepoint and taken into a garage. BUT… it seemed to be that if I had dressed differently, walked differently, I would not have been that invitation.

Recently I was facilitating a workshop with some amazing young people. I spoke about my history and how I became shaped through our culture and my family. After I completed, a young woman came to me and started crying. First, she thanked me for being so transparent, and then she said how sorry she was that this had happened. She felt very sad for the situation and me.

I took her by her shoulders, looked her in the eye and asked this:

“Please don’t feel sorry for me or sad. Please celebrate me, celebrate all the women who have had an experience where their spirit was taken from them and they have walked the path, fallen down, gotten back up, and now live a story of resilience and strength.”

I speak these words to all who have tears for the circumstances of the day:

Tears are a river that takes you somewhere.
Weeping creates a river around the little boat
carrying your soul-life.

Tears can lift that little boat off rocks,
off dry ground, carrying it downriver
to someplace new, someplace better.

–Clarissa Pinkola Estés

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As my wonderful teacher Dr. Estes also says:

“We are members of the Scar Clan. Be proud of your scars. They have everything to do with your strength, and what you've endured. They're a treasure map to the deep self.”

Scar Clan is made up of a tribe that has walked the path filled with sharp objects, deep holes, loud voices, unkind words, never being seen in a just and clear way. We have held out our hand and no one has taken it, we have spoken out to deaf ears, we have been ignored and unseen.

I like to feel that what is happening today is a celebration. We have taken the veil away and opened the wound to be cleaned and cleared, and that is never easy. But we do this, so the healing can begin.

How do we celebrate something that was so tragic and soul dissolving?

Celebrate by looking at yourself in the mirror. See that you are still standing, still in and of this world. Acknowledge that you had the strength and resilience to take a stand for your life. Remember what is right with this experience – no matter how tragic, there are gifts that can be opened. What qualities did you develop through turning the pages of your story?

Perhaps you looked deep into your life and realized there was more. You began to recognize your presence in a more holistic way. You might have begun to look through the lens of linguistics, biology and the shape of your body. You may have learned that because self and body are indistinguishable, you committed to reshaping your body, your self.

Yes, dear Scar Clan, celebrate who you are today.